oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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