Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
