how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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