shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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