I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
