Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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