I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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