Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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