he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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