I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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