So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
