Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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