i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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