Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
