Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
