It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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