i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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