Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
