i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
