when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Boobs speak an international language.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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