So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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