First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
