put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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