Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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