You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
