I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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