I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
