I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
