So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
