90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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