Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
