so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
