You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
