we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
