hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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