I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
