the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
