If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
