so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
