i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
