He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
