dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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