is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
