like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
