I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
