If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
