Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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