Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
