Screwed.edu
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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