I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
