I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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