I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
