420 ftw
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
