Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
