I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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