I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
