my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
