Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
