Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
