is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
