I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
