why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??