How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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