I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.