yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So vagazzling was a success
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
