i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
