yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?