then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
