im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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