don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
