Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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