seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
