I feel like abortions should bother me more
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
