you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
