Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
