Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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