He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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