i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
