We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
