Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
