she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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